Sexpert Dr Pam Spurr reveals how to try out the kinky fun – but ditch the bruises – with her lovers’ guide
Our sexpert is on hand with all you need to know before your bedroom gets 50 Shades Darker
Our
sex and relationship columnist Dr Pam Spurr regularly brings you
must-know info for the bedroom and beyond. Follow Dr Pam on Twitter @drpamspurr
Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson have again thrown open the door to
the famous ‘red room of pain’ reprising their roles of Christian Grey
and Anastasia Steele.
Now, are those enough BDSM puns (bondage domination, sadomasochism) for you?
As per the previous film, interest in playing-out some bondage scenes increased. And sales of handcuffs, whips and blindfolds are up.
Many will be daunted, though, at the thought of creating their own ‘red room’. So let me help you get to a deep shade of pink at least.
Here are seven must-know steps to go Fifty Shades Darker:
1. Don’t surprise your partner and send them running for an escape route. Like by jumping out of the wardrobe, wearing a gimp mask and wielding a whip.Instead seductively whisper what you have in mind. When cuddled-up say things like: have you ever wondered what it like to be blindfolded? Or, have you ever thought about being spanked or spanking me?
2. Encourage each other to take on different roles. Maybe one of you always initiates sex. Having agreed you want to sex-periment, give that power to the quieter one.
She can become ‘Madam Dominatrix’ or he can become the ‘Count of Handcuffs’. Whatever, have fun with creating sexy roles to dominate each other with.
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RELIGHT MY FIRE
Dr Pam Spurr reveals the nine things you HAVE to know about your lack of sexual desire4. Worried about going too far? For couples who don’t want to go all the way and inflict real pain, try this: one of you gets tied to a chair and the other whips the floor around your feet.
You can really get into the sex-chat: tell them they’re your slave, you’re the boss, you’re going to make them “pay”.
Just make sure when whipping or spanking you don’t accidentally hit their genitals (or take their eye out). No fun plus who wants an embarrassing visit to an A&E doc.
5. I don’t want to be a party pooper but you shouldn’t do any of these techniques when you’ve had more than a drink or two. Judgement quickly goes out the window and that’s when mishaps are more likely.
6. Tease to please! There are many ways you can tease your partner with Fifty Shades sex-play.
For instance, when they’re tied up, that’s when you do some sexy striptease type of moves. You make them look but you don’t let them touch.
7. Even with fairly ‘vanilla’ (non-hardcore) Fifty Shades type sex-play it’s crucial you have a safety word that means you want to stop.
Because some consenting role-play involves pretending that, e.g. you’re a captive. And it might involve things like you saying ‘no, no’ when actually that’s part of the role-play.
So make it random, like ‘banana’ (unless you joke about his ‘banana’ in your sex talk) or ‘goldfish’, etc.
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you the basics like never leave your partner tied up, and don’t tie knots that you can’t undo, etc. You want them to want Fifty Shades-of-more not Fifty Shades-of-sore!
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