How often should a couple have sex to stay happy? We have the answers
According to a recent survey, couples who have sex once a week are actually the most content
But, according to a recent survey, couples who have sex once a week are actually the most content.
So how often is often enough for these husbands and wives? Here, they reveal all to Alison Palmer...
Every day
Amanda and Darren Gent live in Stockport, Gtr Manchester. Amanda, 42, is a personal trainer and Darren, 32, works in airport cargo.Amanda has two children from a previous relationship, Harvey, 19 and Soren, nine.
Amanda says : “Darren and I just can’t get enough of one another. And it’s not because we’re both hugely sexual people.
"For us making love it just that – it’s showing our love; a deep, physical need to express ourselves.
“We met in April 2014 and although we fell hook, line and sinker straight away we waited several weeks to sleep together.
"At 10 years my junior, I wanted to be sure Darren wasn’t in it for the ‘Mrs Robinson’ experience.
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“But when we did finally do it, it was the icing on the cake. It was the final connection – it took our love to another level.
"We moved in together within eight weeks and married last August.
“Neither of us has ever had sex daily with other partners. In fact, in past relationships I could have left the sex bit out completely.
“But with Darren there’s such chemistry. It’s difficult to explain but we’re so in love it’s the only way we can truly give that love.
"We need to be together physically at least once a day or we’d boil over!
"In it we talk, hold one another, kiss and then one thing leads to another.
“We read each other so well that we know when the moment is and isn’t right. Neither of us has ever turned the other down.
“We met in the gym and spend a lot of time in there together. I think being physical out of the bedroom leads to being more physical in it.
"And it isn’t just the love thing. There’s undoubtedly lust too. I love putting on pretty lingerie and a beautiful dress and wooing him.
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“I can’t see things changing. Us not being physical every day would be like another couple never saying ‘I love you’.”
Darren says : “I am sure people will read this and think I’m a lucky man. I am! But I agree with Amanda.
"Making love so often is about more than sexual urges, it’s a physical closeness we need.
“I’ve definitely never had this much sex in a relationship. It sounds clichéd but I know she’s the one.
“If we didn’t make love every day it would feel like I hadn’t told her that, hadn’t said ‘I love you’. It’s as important as kissing to us.
“It’s an emotional bond that I absolutely love. Happy doesn’t come close to how I feel.”
Once a week
Sara and Darren Hutchins live in Northampton with their daughter, Talia,who is two.
Sara, 36, is a stay-at-home mum and Darren, 33, is a data analyst.
"He says he’d do it every day if he could – although whether he could manage it is another thing!
"And I admit, in a perfect world, I would like a little more lovemaking too.
“But all that said, we’re content with the once a week we do it. It’s quality not quantity, isn’t it?
“The trouble is that life has been very busy and stressful over this last couple of years and sex has taken a bit of a back seat.
“We had our daughter, moved house, planned a wedding... my eyes are closed before I even get into bed most nights and we’re not morning people.
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“When we first got together in November 2011 we had sex all the time – daily, almost. We’re both naturally very physical people.
"We moved in together five months later and it was no surprise to discover I was expecting four months after that. My being pregnant didn’t even stop us.
“But then Talia arrived and I left my job in retail to look after her, we moved, Darren started working longer hours – life has just got in the way.
“We have a bit of a joke about it. Darren will say: ‘Do you know it’s been six days since we last did it?’ to which I reply: ‘I can’t believe you’re actually counting!’ Then I feel guilty and start thinking perhaps I should make more of an effort.
"Then we’re doing fun things and are more relaxed. And we both really enjoy it when it happens. What we have together is great.
“We’ve actually moved closer to Darren’s parents and they’re keen to see more of Talia, so hopefully we’ll soon be able to have some more quality time together – date nights that will lead to other things.
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"And hopefully a calmer 2016 will mean a busier bed!”
Darren says: “Of course I would like more sex – what man wouldn’t? – but this is just how a relationship goes isn’t it? There are peaks and troughs.
“We’re not a very lovey-dovey couple but we do show how much we care with the odd gift or kind word, and that makes us both feel valued.
“I know things will change and we’ll have more sex eventually. Besides, we’re happy. I can’t ask for more than that.”
Once a year
Babs Daniels, 44, a mature student, and husband, Graham, 43, live in Harlow, Essex. Graham is currently not working.The couple have four children, Jacob, 20, Abby, 19, Maddie, 16, and Theo, 14.
“Neither of us, but particularly me, has much of a sex drive. And more to the point we find other ways to show our love for one another. We kiss, hold hands, cook for one another. That’s enough for us.
“We’ve been like this for about 12 years. When we first married 21 years ago we’d have sex about once or twice a week and enjoyed it.
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“But with each child that came along I got more and more tired, had less time and fancied the whole act less.
"It’s never been a problem, though. Graham’s never moaned about it. Eventually sex fell off the agenda altogether.
“It’s not that I hate it, I just don’t need it to be fulfilled in my relationship – neither of us does.
"The last time we did it was at a holiday camp nearly two years ago when the kids all happened to be out of the chalet at the same time. It was really special.
"There’ll be no teenagers to walk in on us, lots of quality time together and I’m sure Graham will instigate it.
“I’ll look forward to it but I’m not desperate for it. If it doesn’t happen it won’t worry me.
“Sometimes I think Graham must want more sex but he never says as much.
"Occasionally I wonder if he desires me but then he always makes me feel special, is supportive and compliments me, so he must do.
"I believe sex is healthy for a relationship, but it’s friendship and love that give it a solid foundation.
"And we have that. If the sex comes back one day that’s fine, but we’re happy as we are.”
Graham says: “I admit sometimes I would like to make love to Babs more frequently.
"But it’s not everything. Just having one another is what’s key to me. We touch and kiss and do other things that can be just as special as actually having sex.
“And there would be no pleasure in making love to someone who doesn’t really want to.
“I always say marriage is a marathon not a sprint, and because we are so comfortable and don’t make sex the be-all-and-end-all, I know we’ll be together forever.”
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